Classified Ads
Volume 42 | Sunday Edition | Price: $0.05
VINTAGE 1994 MUSTARD-ONLY HOTDOG
Rare opportunity to own a piece of culinary history. This authentic 1994 ballpark frank has been meticulously preserved in a vacuum-sealed humidified safe. Features a single, aggressive stripe of bright yellow mustard. Absolutely NO KETCHUP has ever touched this item.
Minor superficial cracking consistent with age. Bun is fossilized to a perfect mahogany sheen. Would make an excellent centerpiece for a data science lab or a very confusing gift for a loved one.
PINEAPPLE PIZZA DEFENSE
Professional debate services for your next dinner party. I will argue that fruit belongs on pizza using complex statistical models and aggressive hand gestures. Rates: One slice of pizza per hour.
LOST: SIGNIFICANT DIGIT
Last seen in a rounding error near the NBA standings view. Reward if found and returned to the nearest integer.